In the past month or so, the Lord has allowed me to cross paths with many a people and I am humbled and blessed. I sit back and marvel at God's glory and how BLESSED I truely am. I am only human and cannot guarantee that I will never complain about my oh so blessed life again, but God has been certainly working in my heart to stretch myself and live in accordance to the plans He has for me without doubting Him.
I'm hungry. I'm hungry for the Lord. Hungry for His Word. And His work in me. I'm hungry for church. For a sermon from Pastor Bob (at Cornwall Church in Bellingham). Hungry for a Creation Festival (which I haven't been able to go to for the last 4 years!). Hungry for a women's retreat (oh, wait! You have to go to church in order to hear about those going on, right?). I'm hungry for a full-on, all out, heart stopping, mountain moving worship service. I'm just hungry.
I am SO ready to be done working that it is not even funny. I honestly love my job, but I hate that I work every. single. Sunday. Every. One! It has really hurt my relationship with God. No, church is not the only link between the Lord and I, but I feel that it is an extremely important one. Not just the church service, but the fellowship with other believers. My days are filled with either two (beautiful) babies, whom I am not able to carry inspiring, encouraging conversations with, or at work, with very few believers and many, many complainers! We work in a hospital, for crying out loud..... and I work with people who are complaining that they have to put Chicken Noodle Soup in a blender for a patient because they are on a full liquid diet and that is the consistancy the soup must be. No, you can't just send them Cream of Chicken soup. That's not what they would like to eat. It drives me bonkers that some people are so insensitive to our patients and so completely lazy.
Anyway, my heart is longing for a church home. I have 19 days of work left, spread out over the next seven weeks. So for the next 7 weeks, I am not able to go to church. But you can bet that I will be there on week 8! I am not looking forward to beginning a church hunt when we move to Wenatchee. It's so hard. It is especially hard to church hunt anywhere after having gone to such a fabulous church in Bellingham for the 3 years I lived there. I feel like nothing can compare to Pastor Bob Marvel, or the church family that was there. I realize that "church" is for God, not for us, and He is present in them all. It doesn't matter where you worship Him, because "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:20, but at the same time, there are other things I want to look for in a church. A great children's church is a must. I want my kids to be brought up knowing and loving Jesus the way that I long for them to do, and a great children's church family for them is something I long for. Also, we would love to be a part of a bible study with other young couples. The size of the church. We don't want to feel like we are in someone's living room, but we also don't want to feel lost in a crowd. (again, this may be a little selfish of me, but it would be ideal....) The music is important to me. I know that good singing voices, a mix of classic hymns and current songs sung on the radio are not important to all, or perhaps should even be considered in our church hunt, but again, this is on my selfish "want" list.
I know God will lead us to the "perfect" church for us, but it's something that I get so anxious about. I felt like I found the closest thing to "perfect" in Bellingham, and then again here in East Valley, when we found a church close to home where 7 other women were pregnant with girls when we first found out we were pregnant with KaeLee. But then, as soon as KaeLee was born, I lost that connection, as I started working every weekend in order to stay away from daycare centers.
I know this is a random post and not too sure how many of you actually care, but this was on my heart tonight and Shawn has already gone to bed. I felt the need to share. I am rarely up later than he is!
In other updates, I am not sure that I have mentioned this or not, but Hannah has been pulling herself up and has even (the last few days) began to walk behind things (her dolly stroller.....or KaeLee's dolly stroller..... and her little mermaid ride on toy). She is so strong and is getting bigger and smarter every day!
Another big thing that has happened...... Hannah fell down the stairs. I have agonized over whether or not I should share this, since it comes with such shame and guilt. But I am human. I am not a perfect mom. Of course I have always said "Surely she would never go over there" or "that would never happen to me". but it did. Praise the Lord she is okay and didn't have a stratch, bump, bruise or broken bone on her, but the scare was just that. SCARY. It was from the top of the stairs. We were all in the office, I was on the floor with the girls, going through a pile of papers, KaeLee was getting into everything she shouldn't, and Hannah was quietly trying to eat her jumbo lego blocks. While being distracted by KaeLee getting into things she knew she shouldn't play with, Hannah had snuck out the door. The stairs are just around the corner. I always barracade the stairway off, but I wasn't going to be but a second in the office, and I thought "she's not too fast of a crawler yet, I'll notice if she starts heading towards the door..."
Then I heard the BOOM BOOM BOOM WHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!! My heart lept out of my chest. I couldn't get there fast enough. She was on the landing of the stairs on her back and trying to roll over to her tummy. If she had succeeded, she would have finished rolling down the other half. I scooped her up, held her tight and said a prayer. I checked her out, made sure she could move all her body parts, looked for bleeding, dialated eyes, and any other signs of 'not okay'. She seemed to be fine and was laughing and crawling around in moments like nothing ever happened. I called Shawn. A phone call I didn't want to make. I didn't want him to think I was incapable of taking care of our children or to think I was a horrible person. He was very kind and gracious though, and assured me that he knew I would never allow that to happen purposefully. I know it was only by the grace of God that she did not snap her neck or something. She had to of gone head first down those stairs. I watched her closely for the next couple of days and she has been completely fine. Amazingly!
The only thing I have noticed lately (this happened last Tuesday.... the 19th) is that she has been super sensitive and gets scared easily. Every time she falls down (even from an inch off the ground), she cries. And if you even look at her without smiling, she starts to cry. You cannot say her name with any kind of negativity or discipline attached to it or she will start to cry. If you tell her no (even if you say it while smiling), she starts to cry. She is just super sensitive. Poor thing. Otherwise, she is the happiest baby ever! haha. Tonight, during bath, we decided that Hannah is going to be a tomboy, but super sensitive, and KaeLee will be the "tough" girlie girl. haha. It's amazing how you can give birth to two such different personalities!
Well, I can't believe it is nearly midnight! I am going to regret staying up this late when Hannah wakes up in an hour and a half! And again 4 hours after that..... but I really felt the need to share my heart. Right now my heart is about to BURST from all feelings I have in there..... I can't until Monday. Vacation is something my body, mind and heart could use. I have been touched by so many inspiring stories lately and by people who press on and rely on the Lord for every ounce of their strength and my heart just aches for those people and their families. I feel so many things for them and don't know what to do with all those feelings. Oh, if only this would make sense to anyone. Anyway, have a blessed Friday tomorrow! I am extremely blessed because my plate is full... SO full that I didn't know how to sort everything out..... but then I was reminded that I don't work tomorrow! I remember that I gave my hours to Shayna a few weeks ago. She was scheduled very few hours and needs them more than me. But I forgot to change my calendar! So I am super thankful that I have an extra 9 hours I didn't think I had! Praise the Lord! He must have known I would need those hours for something different when I felt the need to give her my shift! Goodnight y'all!
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