Here's to the New Year!

This has been an extremely tough week and I have been torn into pieces.  I feel like life has done a complete 180 and is turning this already emotional mess of a girl upside down.  Here's to the new year bringing HOPE, JOY, and all things GOOD.  Here Here.  

Happy New Year. 

Living a mediocre life full of blessings!

So I realize I haven't written in forever.  I'm getting horrible at it.  If I can blame anyone, I blame God.  Haha.  No, seriously, since I have started this bible study, I have been spending a lot of time on my daily questions and reading.  And I have been working on KaeLee's photobook that needs to be done by February (and I still have 13 months more to go!!)  It'll be a book from her 1st birthday to her 3rd.  I love making it though!  They changed the way you can do it though and it really allows me to get more detailed with the layouts, placement of textboxes, overlapping pictures, adding "stickers" and quotes and all sorts of things!  So it seems to be taking 100 times longer than her first year book!  

Oh, and nevermind the fact that November was pretty much non-existent!  I was in Texas for a week, came home for 2 days then left again for a week and a half for Thanksgiving and our family vacation.  I have started a post about Texas, but blogspot has been frustrating me to no end and posting pictures has been a nightmare!  I actually started the post about 3 weeks ago!  UGH.  There's got to be a better way to get pictures on here.......! 

So, anyway, I just wanted to write a quick update blog.  Mainly about baby #3! :) 

I bought our first baby items for this little one the other day!  I found an un-heard-of great deal on craigslist for a swing and a baby bath ($25 for both!!)so I jsut had to go check it out!  They were amazing and looked brand new!  And the family was super nice!  (It was all I could do to not stare in awe of their beautiful home and decor too!) They are the fisherprice rainforest theme.  Perfect for a boy or a girl!  I have been keeping my eye out for a bouncy seat and a jumperoo in this theme as well on craigslist!  :)  I actually found another great deal, but then saw that it was in Moses Lake and decided to just pass on making the drive.  I figured there would be other great deals. 

So, a lot of people have been asking how I am feeling.  My first response is "GREAT!!"  But then Shawn gives me the most confused look ever.  I later ask him what that look was for and he says "you don't feel great."  I say "what are you talking about".  He says "You're miserable."  haha.  So, I have discovered the greatest gift that God has given me: forgetfulness!  Let me explain. 

So every morning, I wake up, and have to take a few breaths, close my eyes again, and SLOWLY get out of bed.  Being careful not to faint, I slowly walk out to the living room and take a seat in my comfy chair and try to sip on some water.  You see, until about noon every day, I DO feel horrible.  I feel like I am going to pass out because I am so lightheaded and dizzy.  I feel like I need to eat, but at the same time, I feel like if I eat, I will immediately puke.  Or if I make too many sudden movements, I will surely spew.  But thankfully, I have only actually thrown up once.  Although, sometimes I think throwing up would be better than just FEELING like throwing up all the time! 

So why do I say I feel great?!?!?!  Well, for one, I think that I am just used to feeling like this every morning and have learned to deal with it by not running any errands in the mornings, not rushing to go somewhere, no chores in the mornings....... (oh, and I just feel completely exhausted in the mornings like I got NO sleep at all, no matter how much I actually got!)  and just sitting quietly, reading books to the girls, watching them play, or doing something online.  And I take full advantage of Shawn being home in the mornings to help me out and he has been so good to get up with the girls in the morning and let me sleep or just take my time getting out of bed.  And he has gotten the girls breakfast ready for them almost every morning lately and cleaned them up from breakfast.....!  I am super thankful for all his help.  And he does it all joyfully. 

But also, I have a great gift of forgetfulness.  By the afternoon, I have completely forgotten what I felt like in the morning.  I have been keeping a "journal" (aka: notes on any random piece of paper I can find!) all week to remind myself how I felt that morning.  I feel like the Lord has given me this gift so that I am able to truly enjoy my pregnancy.  I try to recall how I felt with my other two pregnancies...... if I was sick with them, when I started to show, if I got super tired really easy...... and all those other normal questions people ask me. 

At my last appointment with my midwife, she was asking me all these same questions........
Her: Do you get tired easily?
Me:  No more than I did before I don't think
Her: Do you go to the bathroom more often, or get up more in the middle of the night?
Me:  Hmm..... I don't think so.  But my husband would say I pee more than the average person anyway....
Her:  Have you thrown up or been feeling sick?
Me:  Ummm..... I threw up once, but other than that I feel pretty good.  A bit groggy in the mornings and a bit nauseated.... but nothing too terrible.  (oh, my memory is so skewed! haha)
Her:  Hmmmm....... well are you having ANY signs of being pregnant?  More emotional, sensitive, moody......?
Me: Hmmmm....... well, those are words that my husband would probably describe me as on a daily basis, pregnant or not...... so if it's any different, I couldn't tell ya.....


HAHA.  I'm thinking maybe she was getting annoyed with me by then?  I almost felt like I need to lie to her and tell her all these "symptoms" I was having just to assure her that I was pregnant!  haha.  But a few minutes later, she "checked"  and said I was definitely pregnant!  I was like"well, that's good, because my belly is sure growing and starting to look pregnant!" haha. 

My first trimester ends on Thursday!!  I can't believe that, actually!  The last couple of months have absolutely flown by and I have a feeling the next couple will as well with Christmas, New Years, and KaeLee's birthday!  Then probably the end of February is when we will find out if we are having a boy or girl!  YAY!! 

I also wanted to share with you all a fear of mine, so that perhaps you may join me in prayer.  My fear is that I am TOO blessed by God.  I fear this greatly because in the back of my mind I feel like there is going to be something BIG coming that is going to be really tough. 

It may just be my awesome gift of forgetfulness, but I have been blessed my whole entire life-- one after another after another!  Every single person I have met has encountered trials in their lives.  Sometimes many.  I have cried countless hours for many families and individuals who are suffering, mourning, struggling, stumbling, pleading for help, hanging on by a thread, jumping through obstacle after obstacle...... and I have nothing to complain about.  I have not struggled with anything.  Not of importance, anyway.  Of course, there was probably a couple of classes I struggled with in college, ,a couple of people in my lifetime I struggled to get along with..... but nothing big.  I have never done drugs, I have never had a drink of alcohol.  I waited until marriage before I had sex.  I have never been to the hospital for anything other than giving birth, s sprained ankle in middle school, and an earring that got closed up inside of my ear (definitely embarrassing to go to the ER for, by the way! haha.  while people were there with ACTUAL problems, I just had an earring stuck in my ear and they had to slice my ear a bit to get it out.... haha!) .  My kids have never had health problems or have ever had to go to the ER.  They have only ever had a mere cold or runny nose.   We have been blessed with always having a job, my ability to stay home with the girls........ and the list just keeps going and going. 

I was talking to my bible study women about this and telling them about my feelings of being "mediocre" and my fears of not having the type of "story" that other people have.  I don't have cancer.  I haven't against any addictions, myself or my kids haven't suffered health issues or have had surgeries or tubes in their ears.  All my pregnancies have been easy (hmm..... or so I remember... haha) and without complications.  And yada yada yada.  So, in the back of my mind, I am thinking of the saying "the calm before the storm".  It is eating me alive.  So my struggle is to daily give that fear to God and trust in His ways and in His plans.  I fear that this child I am carrying is going to be our trial.  Will this child be one full of hospital visits, medications, surgeries, or perhaps a disability?  All these, and much more, worse scenarios come to my mind that I am constantly having to push away and force them out of my head. 

So for now, all I can do is thank God for the blessings in my life.  And know that He has great plans for me and my family still ahead.  So will you pray that these thoughts are not able to enter my head and allow fear into my life? 

I am afraid I have rambled on and on and on.  Shawn has informed me that it sounds like I am writing a novel.... haha.  Sorry for the lack of pictures tonight, I just really didn't want to deal with uploading them.  I'd rather have a stress-less and relaxed rest of the night as I watch the finale of survivor! :)  Goodnight y'all!