I'm a Power Mom.

So Shawn and I made a stop at Hastings last week for a "book run".  He was looking for a new book to take on the plane with him and I was looking for a new book for "just because".   Well, I had originally picked up a Lurlene McDaniel book because I absolutely LOVE her books! (yes, even though they are in the teen section.... haha) but then I went over to where Shawn was and noticed the Chicken Soup books.  I used to collect these books (and still have them!) but for some reason I didn't know they were still making them.  I browsed through them and found a gazillion of them I didn't have and soon had a very tough choice on my hands.  I found one, though, called "Power Moms".  I had never heard of this term, but since I was a mom, I was drawn to it.  I read it a little more and realized its about stay at home moms.  So I bought it.  I am only about 40 pages into and I have to you: it has changed my heart!

For the last few months, I have really struggled with my identity.  Who am I and what on earth do I have to offer the world?  I have no purpose in life and am making absolutely NO contribution to society.  And on top of that, the few things I am doing, I am being criticized and belittled.  What was the purpose of my college degree, working my butt off to pay for my schooling and then not using it?  What a waste of 5 years (yes it took me a bit longer.) and a waste of my money that I worked long, hard hours for.  And a waste of my talents.  I don't know any other stay at home moms.  My age, anyway.  I know OF some, but we're not the best of buds.  These days, in a new city, spending all my time couped up in the house, or the occasional outing, or out for a walk, there are not many moms to be found.  Yes, I could muster up the energy to go the story times, but haven't yet.  I am not a "hannah".  She is quite the social butterfly. 

ANYWAY, on to my point...... 

So I am only about 40 pages into this book (yes, I read them in order.  I never used to, and would just skip around, but these days my memory is that of a goldfish and I could read the same story 4 times without knowing I already read it!) and I have already been inspired.  I am NOT the only stay at home mom who struggled with this idea.  Who didn't necessarily WANT to be a stay at home mom.  It was more of a common sense decision.  I was basically only working to pay for daycare.  And the point of that was what.....?  I have always liked the idea of a stay at home mom, but after experiencing my maternity leave, I just wasn't so sure about it.  When I was at home, I longed to be at work with normal adults, speaking in normal, mature conversations.  When I was at work, I longed to be at home, doing nothing but staring at my beautiful babies and watching them sleep and making silly faces for them.  But there are women in this book who struggled as I have and have come out on top.  They have been changed and have found their "power". 

One woman says, "As a mother, you can't see the results of your work for years.  So much of it is intangible, but that does not mean that it is any less important than any kind of job or title of any kind." 

I am anxious to read the rest of the book.  I have only finish the first "chapter" about making the decision to stay home.  I look forward to the other chapters about learning to juggle, finding joy and self esteem in everyday moments, the power of friendship and sharing perspectives from grateful husbands and children and more. 

Being a stay at home mom is not a glamorous job.  If I complain about it, it is for the same reasons other women complain about their "real" jobs: It is hard and the people you work with are not the most cooperative.  haha.  I am often, though, embarrassed to tell people what I "do" for a living.  It is unfortunate that we, as a society, are still turning our noses to this job and that I have to live the stereotypes that come along with it.  (Watch TV all day, never got a proper education, shop constantly....and the other thousand to go along with them).  I used to laugh when I heard of a mom who stayed at home with her children but sent them to daycare a couple days a week.  Wasn't that the point of her not working outside the home?  But now, I find myself in longing for that same situation just so that I can get caught up on grocery shopping, cleaning the bathrooms, mopping the floors...... etc etc.  The to-do list is never ending around here, though I do feel like in the last few days I have gotten a TON accomplished.  Perhaps because I have only had 2 people around that I had to entertain instead of three..... haha.  No offense, honey.... ;)

Sorry for the  babbling.  In other news, Shawn flys into Seattle late tonight.  He has been in Wisconsin since Friday for his sister's graduation from Lawrence University.  I was dreading the four days without a break, but it hasn't been so bad.  This morning, though, seemed to drag on and on.  I couldn't get them down for a nap fast enough!  Finally, at 12:25, I got them into bed (25 minutes behind normal schedule...!) and I collasped into the chair exhausted!  I cuddled up with my lunch and the girls from The Talk, and had a few good laughs because of the hilarious Leah Remini.  After I was done with lunch, I was trying to get motivated to finish cleaning the bathrooms when I hear Hannah start crying.  I thought, "you have got to be kidding me"!  I looked at the clock.  1:35.  I ran up there to try and snatch her up before she woke KaeLee up, but with no such luck, I was downstairs, both girls on my lap (as they were still very tired) and watching Barney.  Argh.  So much for that break. 

Something odd that has started happening around here is with Hannah.  I have been taking the girls shopping lately, to get them out of the house.  They love to be around people and pretend like they are in a parade, so I take them to the mall, Costco, the grocery store, Fred Meyer, Shopko, Target.... wherever.  (I have been looking like crazy for some new dishes the last week or so..... .which is another story in itself...).  But the odd thing is that just in the last week, every time we get to a check out, Hannah starts crying.  We ended up going to Costco twice last week, and she did this both times.  I thought it was weird since she's never done it before, but I thought it must just be because she is on the other side of the checkout from me.  But then she did it at Shopko..... and again at Top Foods.  And then, yesterday we went to Fred Meyer to get bananas and she did it again.  What is going on with her?  Has she really grown to like shopping that much?  Strange.  Poor cashiers all seem to think it's them. 

She has also started to cry a lot more, just in general.  She is to the point where she starting to become more independent (in every way except the one I want: playing by herself...!).  She all of a sudden thinks she's old enough to buckle her own car seat, buckle herself into the booster chair, rinse herself off in the bathtub, put her own shoes on, put the puzzles together..... and the list goes on.  The problem is that she really can't do any of these things herself yet and throws a scream fest when you try to help her.  It is SO frustrating.  So every time we go to get into the car, I just have to brace myself for another screaming session.  I put her in her chair and give her the chance to buckle herself while I go around and put KaeLee in.  I come back around and try to help her, but she won't have it, so I have to just do it myself while she arches her back and screams.  It's quite annoying.  I don't mind being patient and letting her do it; I already do that with KaeLee (sometimes not so patiently....), but she physically can't do it yet and no matter how long she tries at this point, she is not going to get it.  Argh. 

Yesterday we went for a walk after dinner and went a different route than the usual.  I walked through the Briarwood neighborhood, and oh my goodness, there are SO many beautiful homes there!  They are all SUPER nice and have perfect lawns with immaculate  landscaping.  It was a gorgeous walk and I was in awe the entire walk.  On our way back home, I heard a "neighhhhh" behind me.  I though "what the......!?!?!"  I turned around and it was a horse!  haha.  You don't see many horses walking around on the streets.  The girls were just as in shock as I was.  They were speechless, actually.  haha.  The lady on the horse was kind and said hello to them and the girls watching the horse trot down the road (okay, he was walking, not trotting.)  A little further down the road, KaeLee says, "wow.  I like horses.  I want a horsie too."  To that I said "Good luck with that.  That's what you have Aunt Cheryl for.  If you are lucky enough maybe someday you'll get invited over to ride one." and she said "Yeah.  And I ride one with baby Jake."  haha.  She calls him baby Jake because she never sees him other than the pictures on the wall (where he is a baby).  Poor girl.  I'm just surprised that she knows that Aunt Cheryl is Jake's mom.  Although, I suppose you never see one without the other...... haha. 

Anyway, I suppose that is a long enough blog for now.  The girls are beginning to fight.  I think it's time for a diversion and perhaps a trip outside to get the mail.  I have some cute pictures too, but maybe next time