February in Review

Alrighty..... here is the catch up blog from February!  So here it goes..... (in pictures, that is....)

Here's Hannah on Superbowl Sunday.... Yes I know that the Seahawks weren't in the superbowl, but I feel like you're supposed to just wear your favorite team regardless of who's playing...! :) 

Isn't she a cutie in her pigtails....!!  :)  Her hair is certainly growing, just slower than a snail moves! 

Headed out the door to get 2nd birthday pictures taken!  Silly face, but cute outfit.... haha!

Here's KaeLee playing dress up..... haha.  She has two different hats on and a crown.  And a snow white dress on with mittens to match.... haha.  There are reasons I only let her pick out her shirt in the mornings and not her entire outfit.... haha

The girls just hangin out and having a "moment" where they actually smiled for the camera!

Hannah just hangin out after naptime, trying to continue to wake up, while having a snack and watching Barney!  And MUCH enjoying the RARE time she has by herself!  (KaeLee was still sleeping, which NEVER happens!  haha)

Hannah doesn't do dress up to the extreme that kaeLee does..... haha.  And Hannah actually chooses something that matches her outfit....!

What happened in February?  We moved into our new house in Wenatchee.  I went down to San Francisco to visit my cousin, Trish and her family.  We watched the superbowl..... and that was about it.  The month has flown by and we are now comfortable in our new house and feeling like it's home now.   Just when you think February is over, you have one more day of it!  YAY!  Happy Leap Year everyone!  :)

January in Pictures!

So here is January update!  A little late, I know...... but in case you haven't noticed, we've been a bit pre-occupied these last couple of months!  So January was a very emotional month with finding a new house to fit our expanding family, then losing Jordan, then having to turn around two days later and celebrate KaeLee's 3rd birthday.  It's been a roller coaster inside me, but I think overall, we've been getting through it pretty well.  God's grace is amazing.   So, anyway, those were the highlights of the month, and here are the highlight pictures.  I have really cut back on the pictures I choose to put up because I get so frustrated with blogger's uploading tool.  It only works about half the time, so instead of taking my chances with it, I am putting up a limited number of pictures.  My apologies....!  Here goes....

Here's KaeLee all dressed up.....!  haha.  She loves to dress up and sports this fashion the most often...... her stocking cap, mittens, a purse and (though you can't see them...) her high heels! haha



Hannah playing around with the umbrella..... and looking just so cute while doing it! :)

Aweeeeee........!! 

The girls like to try and sneak into mommy and daddy's bed and play "naptime".  Those silly girls!

KaeLee's Dora cake that my mom graciously made for her party since I wasn't really in the mood or feeling up to it.  Isn't it amazing!?!

The birthday girl with a big, cheesy, birthday smile! 

YAY!  She got it to blow out!  She was so proud of herself when she was finally able to do it!

KaeLee enjoyed opening her cards just as much as her gifts.  And it was so cute to tell people when they left:  "Thank you for the gift!  And the card!  And for coming to my birthday party!"  Awe.  ;)

Hannah playing with one of the birthday balloons! :) 

We got dumped on with snow everywhere!  The girls were dying to go play in it, so we finally took them out in it!  When they stepped into it though, it went about up to their waist!  Haha.  We ahd to move to the front yard and play in the driveway that only had about 4 inches on it since Shawn shoveled last.... (it was snowing still while we were out there!) 

Daddy and Hannah!

Hannah went down the sled in the driveway and had a blast!  It's a good thing we live(d) on a dead end! 

Then KaeLee and I pulled Hannah down to the mailbox, got the mail and pulled her back home....!

On KaeLee's actual birthday!  She was WAY too excited to have even MORE gifts! 

Yay for more legos! :) Now her towers can get even bigger!! 

Blowing out her candles on her birthday-day!  :) 

Beautiful birthday girl!  I managed to muster up the energy to make her some cupcakes..... but it's a good thing I had something decorative to put them on, because by themselves they are BORING! ;)

Hannah at Grandma's house being silly!

Alrighty, well that's all folks..... stay tuned for a February in pictures!

Reality Hits

This weekend, reality has set in.  I am not pregnant anymore.  I got my period for the first time since losing Jordan.  (my apologies if that's too much information....!)  Bittersweet for me.  I can honestly say that I do NOT miss this part of "non-pregnant life"!  This moment means two things for me:  1.  I am definitely not pregnant anymore.  2.  Trying for another baby is just around the corner. 

So do I want to get pregnant?  ABSOLUTELY!  Am I reserved about it?  ABSOLUTELY!  Not only do I worry about losing another baby, but I am just not comfortable in my body lately and after losing Jordan, it's kind of down-spiraled.  I absolutely HATE looking in the mirror at this flabby, donut-shaped chunk of skin hanging down from my mid-section.  It's quite disgusting.  It really, truely is not a pretty sight.  Gaining weight due to a pregnancy can NOT be an option for me.  Would that be realistic?  Not at all.  So, I have 2 weeks to lose at least 20 pounds before getting pregnant again...... ha! 

One thing that I have been learning and experiencing a lot of lately is GRACE.  God's grace is amazing.  He gives it and gives it and gives it some more.  And the best part is that we get it because of nothing WE'VE done.  Last night at bible study, Sara put it this way: "Grace = God's riches at Christ's expense."  God gives us grace so that we can give it to others. 

Wait.  What?  I have to give grace to others?  Damn it.  Oops.  I mean...... YAY......!  haha.  This is something I have had to struggle with since losing Jordan.  People have said that when this situation occurs (losing a baby), you will lose friends along the way.  What?  I never understood that.  Until now.  It's amazing to me that people just stop talking to you.  They just seem to disappear or pretend that they haven't heard the news.  It's quite crazy.  Of course, God has blessed me with new friends as well, for whom I am super grateful for!  :) 

So I am learning to extend grace towards those who have just disappeared.  I realize that they may be uncomfortable position and not know what to say..... but really?  How on earth do they think I feel?  My least favorite question is "how many kids do you have?"  Wow.  Who would have thought that this would be a question I despise?  And, yet, how silly is it that I despise that question?  That seems a bit harsh, right? 

If I answer "two" to that question, I get a pit in my stomach because I know the true answer is three.  Yet, if I answer "three", the next question to follow is undoubtedly "how old are they?" Hmmm..... not quite sure how to answer that one.  The third option I have is to say "I have two living and one waiting for me in heaven".  Result of that answer:  Awkard moment of silence where that person is quickly regretting their question. 

But it was their question, right?  I mean, they asked it and even though they may not have been anticipating that answer, I can't control the answer, right?  I mean, you can't ask a question expecting to get the answer you assume, right?  That's why you are asking the question, because you don't know the answer. 

Anyway..... enough of my rambling.  I have so many thoughts running around in my head and I haven't blogged in forever, so the is a constant struggle taking place in my mind right now where all the thoughts are fighting to get to the front and are leaving me with nothing but a headache of confusion.  Ahhhhh!!! 

In other news..... I had a great time in San Francisco visiting my cousin Trish, her husband and their baby Mckinley!  (who turned one while I was there!)  :) It was nice to come back home and get some more stuff unpacked.  Shawn has been working on the garage today and yesterday I was able to finish hanging up a lot of stuff around the house and it is really beginning to not just feel like home, but actually look like it!  :)  I should take some pictures soon and let you see just why I am enjoying our new home so much!

Hannah's birthday is next week and I have most everything ready for her barnyard themed party! YAY!! And I bought my first item from etsy for it! See how cute?! 

I think I have officially become a fan of etsy!  This invitation was something I just got to download and then just get developed wherever.  And it was cheaper than buying actual invites and having to fill them all out!  Double bonus!!  I know where I am going for our Christmas cards this year! :)

I think the best part about Hannah's birthday is seeing how KaeLee acts about it!!  She is SO excited about it and tells Hannah constantly, "It's almost your birthday Hannah!!  Everybody is going to come over and you get to open lots of presents!  And you get to blow out candles and have cake!!!!"  Hahaha.  It is SO cute! 

Alright, well, I have written far too much for now and need to start moving on to more productive things....  Hopefully I will be back soon!

It's Bittersweet

So I am having a very bittersweet week.  I have so many friends who are pregnant right now.  It's funny how when you find out you are pregnant, all these pregnant women pop up and you also start noticing pregnant women everywhere you go.  (Kind of like when you buy a new car, then start seeing that car everywhere.....haha)

My pregnant friends have all sorts of due dates, ranging from now to August I believe.  And several other friends who have had babies within the last few months.  One momma in particular, Heather, I was super excited to be pregnant with.  We were pregnant with our first girls together and also worked together.  Her due date is July 14th.  Another friend, is due June 24th, and another friend is due July 2nd.  All four of us are were are were (gee, I just don't know what word to use there..... I guess it's a was for me and an 'are' for them.....??..... awkward....!) due around the same time.  I loved reading their updates and posts on facebook since I could oh, so relate to them! :) 

These three women (as well as a few others) have been having ultrasounds this week (or have them scheduled for next week....) to find out the gender of their babies.  It's bittersweet.  I should also be finding out the sex of my baby.  I guess in a way I could brag that I already know the gender...... but I can honestly say that I would rather have had to wait to find out! 

My heart is joyful for these mothers as I get to see their posts of anticipation and then the result of their ultrasounds!  But part of my heart breaks with that twinge of jealousy.  They still have the hope of being able to hold their precious bundle of joy.  I am pretty good at hiding my jealousy though and will save my tears for another time.  The bible says to "rejoice with those who rejoice" so that's what I shall do.  Because, truly, I am so excited for them.  I, too, know the overwhelming JOY that comes after you hear those words of "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!"  But, my heart also aches to be able to hold MY baby boy.  They have a few months left to wait; I have an unknown length of time......

BUT.....   

MY HOPE COMES FROM THE LORD...... That I will get ETERNITY with Jordan when that day arrives! 

On the night that we found out we lost Jordan, Shawn's cousin, Becky, had her baby girl.  I guess it's true:  The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away......  this was another bittersweet moment. 

Isn't she a beauty???  (Picture taken by Erica Moshe Photography)  Those little cheeks are to die for! :)
For now, while I WAIT IN HOPE, I will be lifting each and every one of these women I know that are pregnant up in prayer for a healthy remainder of their pregnancy and that their hearts remain joyful as they get closer to the day they meet their little ones.  I pray they ENJOY their pregnancy and realize the privilege and blessing they have been given to be entrusted with raising and caring for God's child.  For everything we own belongs to the Lord.  Even our children.  

Psalm 33:20-22 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.